For a while, everything felt heavy. Getting out of bed felt heavy. Making decisions felt heavy.

When everything in your life changes at once — where you live, who you’re with, what your future looks like — it’s easy to feel like you’ve lost yourself somewhere in the chaos.

And for a little while, I think I did. But something is changing. Not dramatically. Not overnight. Just slowly.

And slowly feels enough.

The First Signs Things Were Getting Easier

I started saying yes to plans.

At first it felt forced — like I was going through the motions of being “normal.” Meeting friends for coffee. Going for walks. Filling evenings that used to feel unbearable.

But then something shifted.

I caught myself laughing without thinking about it.
I realised I’d gone a whole afternoon without checking my phone.
I started looking forward to things again.

It wasn’t that the grief disappeared.

It just wasn’t the only thing in the room anymore.

Rebuilding the Pieces of Me

I’ve started picking up old hobbies again — the ones that existed before everything became so intertwined with someone else.

Reading in the evenings.
Planning future projects.
Thinking about what I want my space to feel like when it’s fully mine again.
Writing not just to process pain, but because I actually enjoy it.

I’m remembering that I was a whole person before the relationship and I am still a whole person now. It’s strange how easy it is to forget that when your life becomes wrapped up in someone else’s.

Life Feels… Hopeful

Not perfect. Not certain. Not completely healed. But hopeful.

I’m making plans with friends. Real ones — not just “we should catch up soon.” I’m building routines that don’t revolve around anyone else’s schedule. I’m thinking about university in September with excitement instead of fear.

For the first time in a while, the future doesn’t just feel like something I lost. It feels like something I’m building. And maybe that’s what finding yourself really is. Not becoming someone brand new but returning to the parts of you that were always there — just quieter for a while.

Things Do Get Easier

I don’t know exactly when it happened, there wasn’t a specific day where I woke up and felt “over it”, but the sharp edges have softened.
The quiet doesn’t feel as lonely.
The evenings don’t stretch as long.

I still have moments. Of course I do.

And in between those moments, there is laughter. There are plans. There is growth, there is me. If you’re in the middle of something painful right now, I want to say this gently:

It won’t feel like this forever.

You won’t always feel stuck.
You won’t always feel like you’ve lost yourself.
You won’t always feel like everything is black and white.

Colour comes back slowly.

And sometimes, you’re the one who paints it back in. 🤍