Since my last post, life has felt a little unsettled.

I handed in my notice at my job in preparation for starting university in January — something I’d been mentally working towards for a long time. Making that decision felt scary but right. I was choosing a future career I actually care about, and that gave me a huge sense of relief.

Then things shifted.

The university let me know that my place has been deferred to September instead, simply because there wasn’t enough space in the January cohort. No drama, no mistake — just one of those things that happens. But emotionally, it hit harder than I expected.

When Plans Suddenly Disappear

I’d already started letting go of my old routine. I’d pictured the countdown to January, the fresh start, the sense of direction. And suddenly, that plan was gone — replaced with a much longer stretch of unknown.

Now I’m navigating job hunting, bills, and day-to-day life without a clear plan in place. There’s something really uncomfortable about not knowing what comes next, especially when you’ve just made a brave decision to change your life.

It’s disheartening. I won’t sugarcoat that.

There are days where it feels like I did everything “right” and still ended up in limbo. Days where I worry about money, stability, and whether I should have waited longer before handing in my notice. It’s a strange mix of pride, doubt, relief, and fear — all at once.

Letting Myself Feel Disappointed

One thing I’m learning is that it’s okay to be disappointed, even when the bigger picture is positive. I don’t have to pretend this is easy or exciting all the time.

I worked hard to get to this point. I allowed myself to imagine January as the start of something new. So of course it hurts to have that delayed.

Giving myself permission to feel that — without rushing to “fix” it — has been important.

Finding The Silver Lining

Once the initial disappointment settled, I started to see the quiet positives.

This extra time gives me space to prepare — not just practically, but emotionally. I can build a stronger financial cushion. I can ease myself out of burnout instead of jumping straight into another intense chapter. I can go into university feeling steadier, calmer, and more ready.

I also get more time to sit with this decision and really own it. Midwifery isn’t just a next step for me — it’s a career I genuinely care about. Taking time to mentally prepare for that responsibility feels like a gift, even if it didn’t come wrapped the way I expected.

Learning to Live Without a Perfect Plan

I’m realising that not having a clear plan doesn’t mean I’m failing — it just means I’m in transition.

Right now, my focus is simple:

• finding work that supports me financially
• keeping my bills manageable
• protecting my energy
• and trusting that this pause isn’t wasted time

I don’t need to have everything figured out today. I just need to keep moving gently forward.

Trusting the Timing

This isn’t where I thought I’d be at this point in the year — but it is still leading me where I want to go.

September will come. University will start. This chapter will make sense one day, even if right now it feels messy and uncertain.

For now, I’m learning to sit in the in-between — to be patient with myself, to plan where I can, and to trust that slowing down doesn’t mean standing still.

If you’re in a similar place — waiting, adjusting, or grieving a plan that didn’t work out — you’re not alone. Sometimes growth looks like pause, not progress.

And that’s okay 🤍